Interviews: Kunt and the Gang Interview

by elbarto102

Internet sensation Kunt and the Gang is a master at creating incredibly catchy songs too rude to sing to your mum. Described by Charlie Brooker as “life-affirmingly puerile”, by NME as having a “jaw droppingly potty mouthed style” and Bizarre magazine as a “one man filth machine!”, Kunt and his parasitic twin Little Kunt have been bringing joy to their fans since their first album release I Have a Little Wank and I Have a Little Cry in 2005. Bart Levinson managed to talk to Kunt about his love for Carol Vorderman, his plans to release a musical based on Shannon Matthews and his impeccable style secrets.

Q. For those who’ve never heard Kunt and the Gang before, could you tell us a bit about yourself and the kind of music you make.
I make catchy music that sounds like happy nursery rhymes played on cheap 80s keyboards and couple it with lyrics about everyday things like washing your cock before a night out, wanting to have sex with Carol Vorderman and wanking over a pornographic polaroid of an ex-girlfriend who died.

Q. Tell us a bit about Little Kunt.
We go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong.
Little Kunt is my former parasitic twin who was removed from my body several years ago. He’s been wedged against my colon for nearly 30 years and was born out my back bum covered in blood, shit and a little bit of sweetcorn.
He duets with me on several songs, usually the ones that have too many words for me to remember all by myself.

Q. Who are your comedy heroes?
I don’t really have any comedy heroes. My heroes tend to be ordinary people from various walks of life that have strived really hard to overcome adversity, like Barry George, Colin Stagg and Heather Mills.

Q. Which town/city gives the best crowd reaction to what you do?
It changes from tour to tour, the Scottish gigs are always good for a laugh and Nottingham gigs are normally good uns - having a bit of a punk crowd normally works best as they’re always up for it!

Q. What’s the weirdest gig you’ve ever played?
I played an all ages all-dayer in Essex. It was like being Bono from U2, the audience knew all the words and there was a massive scramble when I threw my rubber glove into the crowd! And I spent half hour after the show signing teenage girls’ knockers. Bonus!

Q. What’s the female reaction to Kunt and the Gang like? Do you ever get many groupies on tour?
Girls seem to love it or hate it. In general the people that get offended sort of want to be offended anyway so everyone’s happy!
I get less action than you would imagine as I’m constantly having to babysit Little Kunt. He is always trying to get me to do a threesome but he makes a squealing noise like a little piglet when he does his beans. It’s really off-putting.

Q. How do you warm up for a gig?
I generally do a few vocal exercises, stretch my muscles then have a filthy wank over Rachel Riley off Countdown.

Q. You wrote a song especially for the 2006 World Cup called ‘Let’s Have A Wank For England’. Have you got any advice for the team for this summer’s World Cup? Will you be making another song to raise morale this summer?
I had lots of good feedback from people saying they’d had a wank before the World Cup games and felt it was working for us but I don’t think and amount of self-abuse could have got us through with Sven’s over cautious approach.
I was going to do a World Cup song called “Every hole’s a goal” which was encouraging people to follow John Terry and Ashley Cole’s example of sticking it wherever they can in an effort to help us win the cup but whether I’ll get it finished in time I dunno.

Q. You are pretty fashionable and always set the bar when it comes to the kind of clothes you wear onstage. Do you have any fashion influences?
Why thank you. On stage I feel the only suitable attire to give me the freedom of movement and expression that I put into my dance moves is an all-in-one, whether this manifests itself as a manly boiler suit, hi-vis workwear or sexy longjohns.

Q. How would you best describe your hairstyle and do you have any tips for any aspiring young Kunts out there who might want your style?
I would describe my hairstyle as ‘retro chic’. I cannot divulge any details on the miscellaneous products I use to achieve my style, shine and bounce as it’s as secret as Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe.

Q. Your obsession with Carol Vorderman is well known amongst your fans. Were you very disappointed when she left Countdown? You wrote a song about the new girl, Rachel Riley, but does she really match up to Carol?
I was gutted when Carol left. I had masturbated at the same time every weekday for over 20 years come rain or shine. At first I protested by not watching Countdown and leaving my cock alone but when I saw Carol’s replacement I felt like I was just cutting my helmet off to spite my shaft. And so I have resumed my routine with the lovely Rachel Riley. She’s a local girl as well so often I can be seen of a weekend lurking down by her parents’ house in Southend-on-Sea with a semi-on in my Ford Fiesta.

Q. Apart from Carol, are there any other daytime television stars that you have a soft spot for and will perhaps write about in the future?
I think there’s definitely a song about Loose Women on the horizon. Apparently to be a panelist you have to be able to insert a Mum roll-on deodorant into your fadge without it touching the sides.

Q. ‘Men with Beards’, was a big Youtube hit. Which bearded man do you fear most?
Probably Jesus, because if it turns out that was all true and not some made up load of bollocks and he hears my song Jesus (baby with a beard) I will definitely be up shit street.

Q. I read somewhere that your next project is a musical based on Shannon Matthews. Is this still going ahead? And can you tell us a little bit about it?
I am very much on the vinegar strokes of Shannon Matthews: The Musical.
Some of the songs include “Different Dads (They’ve all got different dads)”, “I’ve got a plan (based on Maddie McCann)” and “Shannon ain’t dead (She’s under my bed)”. It is going to be released later this year as an audio CD and download to start off with but I’m sure it will end up transferring to the West End at some point. I’m thinking of Bonnie Langford as Karen Matthews. Darren Day as Craig Meehan and Jason Donovan as his namesake Terence Donovan. And Shannon to be played by Jimmy Krankie.

Q. How does Kunt unwind after a long and stressful tour?
I like to hang up my outfits, run myself a nice hot bath then have a filthy wank over Rachel Riley off Countdown.

Q. You wrote a song called ‘Gary Glitter’. Did you watch the ‘what if’ show in which there was a reconstruction of what would happen if the death penalty was brought back and he was brought to trial and then executed? What did you think of that?
I did see that but I’d just come back off tour and having not seen the news for a few weeks didn’t realise it was a ‘what if’ show. I thought they’d pushed a law through without me realising. It was only the day after that one of my mates set me straight but by that time unfortunately I’d already destroyed my hard drive with a hammer.

Q. Do you often cause outrage wherever you go and what do you make of people that say you are disgusting, pathetic and have no place in music?

I didn’t realise that was what everyone was saying until you just told me. Blimey, it’s a bit harsh.
I like to think that my music brings people together. I’m always getting blokes say there’s this girl they’d fancied for ages and it was only after listening to one of my songs they plucked up the courage to slip something in her drink.

Kunt and the Gang’s latest album and DVD collection Complete Kunt has been out since the 28^th of April. Unfortunately you won’t find it in the shops. Check out his website for details:  http://kuntandthegang.webs.com or go to his youtube page to look at his videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/kuntandthegang