Q. For those who’ve never heard Kunt and the Gang before, could you tell us a bit about yourself and the kind of music you make.
I make catchy music that sounds like happy nursery rhymes played on cheap 80s keyboards and couple it with lyrics about everyday things like washing your cock before a night out, wanting to have sex with Carol Vorderman and wanking over a pornographic polaroid of an ex-girlfriend who died.

Q. Tell us a bit about Little Kunt.
We go together like rama lama lama ke ding a de dinga a dong.
Little Kunt is my former parasitic twin who was removed from my body several years ago. He’s been wedged against my colon for nearly 30 years and was born out my back bum covered in blood, shit and a little bit of sweetcorn.
He duets with me on several songs, usually the ones that have too many words for me to remember all by myself.

Q. Who are your comedy heroes?
I don’t really have any comedy heroes. My heroes tend to be ordinary people from various walks of life that have strived really hard to overcome adversity, like Barry George, Colin Stagg and Heather Mills.

Q. Which town/city gives the best crowd reaction to what you do?
It changes from tour to tour, the Scottish gigs are always good for a laugh and Nottingham gigs are normally good uns - having a bit of a punk crowd normally works best as they’re always up for it!

Q. What’s the weirdest gig you’ve ever played?
I played an all ages all-dayer in Essex. It was like being Bono from U2, the audience knew all the words and there was a massive scramble when I threw my rubber glove into the crowd! And I spent half hour after the show signing teenage girls’ knockers. Bonus!

Q. What’s the female reaction to Kunt and the Gang like? Do you ever get many groupies on tour?
Girls seem to love it or hate it. In general the people that get offended sort of want to be offended anyway so everyone’s happy!
I get less action than you would imagine as I’m constantly having to babysit Little Kunt. He is always trying to get me to do a threesome but he makes a squealing noise like a little piglet when he does his beans. It’s really off-putting.

Q. How do you warm up for a gig?
I generally do a few vocal exercises, stretch my muscles then have a filthy wank over Rachel Riley off Countdown.

Q. You wrote a song especially for the 2006 World Cup called ‘Let’s Have A Wank For England’. Have you got any advice for the team for this summer’s World Cup? Will you be making another song to raise morale this summer?
I had lots of good feedback from people saying they’d had a wank before the World Cup games and felt it was working for us but I don’t think and amount of self-abuse could have got us through with Sven’s over cautious approach.
I was going to do a World Cup song called “Every hole’s a goal” which was encouraging people to follow John Terry and Ashley Cole’s example of sticking it wherever they can in an effort to help us win the cup but whether I’ll get it finished in time I dunno.

Q. You are pretty fashionable and always set the bar when it comes to the kind of clothes you wear onstage. Do you have any fashion influences?
Why thank you. On stage I feel the only suitable attire to give me the freedom of movement and expression that I put into my dance moves is an all-in-one, whether this manifests itself as a manly boiler suit, hi-vis workwear or sexy longjohns.

Q. How would you best describe your hairstyle and do you have any tips for any aspiring young Kunts out there who might want your style?
I would describe my hairstyle as ‘retro chic’. I cannot divulge any details on the miscellaneous products I use to achieve my style, shine and bounce as it’s as secret as Colonel Sanders’ secret recipe.

Q. Your obsession with Carol Vorderman is well known amongst your fans. Were you very disappointed when she left Countdown? You wrote a song about the new girl, Rachel Riley, but does she really match up to Carol?
I was gutted when Carol left. I had masturbated at the same time every weekday for over 20 years come rain or shine. At first I protested by not watching Countdown and leaving my cock alone but when I saw Carol’s replacement I felt like I was just cutting my helmet off to spite my shaft. And so I have resumed my routine with the lovely Rachel Riley. She’s a local girl as well so often I can be seen of a weekend lurking down by her parents’ house in Southend-on-Sea with a semi-on in my Ford Fiesta.

Q. Apart from Carol, are there any other daytime television stars that you have a soft spot for and will perhaps write about in the future?
I think there’s definitely a song about Loose Women on the horizon. Apparently to be a panelist you have to be able to insert a Mum roll-on deodorant into your fadge without it touching the sides.

Q. ‘Men with Beards’, was a big Youtube hit. Which bearded man do you fear most?
Probably Jesus, because if it turns out that was all true and not some made up load of bollocks and he hears my song Jesus (baby with a beard) I will definitely be up shit street.

Q. I read somewhere that your next project is a musical based on Shannon Matthews. Is this still going ahead? And can you tell us a little bit about it?
I am very much on the vinegar strokes of Shannon Matthews: The Musical.
Some of the songs include “Different Dads (They’ve all got different dads)”, “I’ve got a plan (based on Maddie McCann)” and “Shannon ain’t dead (She’s under my bed)”. It is going to be released later this year as an audio CD and download to start off with but I’m sure it will end up transferring to the West End at some point. I’m thinking of Bonnie Langford as Karen Matthews. Darren Day as Craig Meehan and Jason Donovan as his namesake Terence Donovan. And Shannon to be played by Jimmy Krankie.

Q. How does Kunt unwind after a long and stressful tour?
I like to hang up my outfits, run myself a nice hot bath then have a filthy wank over Rachel Riley off Countdown.

Q. You wrote a song called ‘Gary Glitter’. Did you watch the ‘what if’ show in which there was a reconstruction of what would happen if the death penalty was brought back and he was brought to trial and then executed? What did you think of that?
I did see that but I’d just come back off tour and having not seen the news for a few weeks didn’t realise it was a ‘what if’ show. I thought they’d pushed a law through without me realising. It was only the day after that one of my mates set me straight but by that time unfortunately I’d already destroyed my hard drive with a hammer.

Q. Do you often cause outrage wherever you go and what do you make of people that say you are disgusting, pathetic and have no place in music?

I didn’t realise that was what everyone was saying until you just told me. Blimey, it’s a bit harsh.
I like to think that my music brings people together. I’m always getting blokes say there’s this girl they’d fancied for ages and it was only after listening to one of my songs they plucked up the courage to slip something in her drink.

Kunt and the Gang’s latest album and DVD collection Complete Kunt has been out since the 28^th of April. Unfortunately you won’t find it in the shops. Check out his website for details:  http://kuntandthegang.webs.com or go to his youtube page to look at his videos: http://www.youtube.com/user/kuntandthegang

People went mad for them and they completely won over the hearts of the fans (and me). The stand out track for for me was 'Supehero' it was insane, ive never really been into the whole dance music fad but this got my feet moving! I dont think i have ever danced so much in one night.

The energy bouncing from the the performers to the crowd was amazing, everyone seemed to be having the time of there lives!

While most of there songs are upbeat dancy/electro songs they do have a couple of more mellow songs, which have a more rnb/poppy type feel. I thought this was really impressive as it showed a complete diversity of the different geners they were able to cover.

I cant wait for them to play again! i will be right at the front dancing away! i would highly reccommend anyone to go and see them live aswell!

GEMMA MEWSE AND HER BAND PLAYED AT THE CRAWL AFTER WINNING 'BEST SONG'  AWARD, ON THE 'EMERGING TALENT AWARDS.THE VENUE 'ICE WHARF' ON THE LOCKE ITSELF, IS A GREAT VENUE AND LARGE.THE WINNERS FROM ALL 8 CATAGORIES PLAYED HERE 4 ON SATURDAY AND 4 ON SUNDAY.

MISS MEWSE TOOK TO THE STAGE  AT 3 PM ON SUNDAY AND FOR 30 MINUTES PUT ON A SHOW THAT MOST SEASONED ACTS WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD OF. THE VIBE OF THE WHOLE BAND JUST SENT A SHOCKWAVE THROUGH THE VENUE ! EVEN THOSE THAT WERE SITTING DOWN IN THE LOWER TIERS EATING SUDDENLY GOT MOVING LIKE THOSE NODDING DOGS YOU SEE IN THE BACK OF CAR WINDOWS. THE VOCALS AND BEATS JUST GOT YOU INSTANTLY HOOKED.HER STAGE PRESENCE!!!! WELL IT WAS LIKE SOMEONE HAD TOUCH THE FUSE PAPER OF A 'FIRECRACKER' NOT ONLY DID THE MUSIC GET YOUR ATTENTION SO DID MISS MEWSE, WITH HER EDGY ROCKNESS, BIG BLUE EYES AND BLONDE HAIR!! 'A VERY ATTRACTIVE YOUNG LADY' WHO KNOWS HOW TOO CONNECT WITH THE CROWD.

AND AFTER SHE FINSHED SHE WAS AWARDED HER PRIZE TWO DAYS RECORDING AT THE 'STRONGROOM STUDIOS' WITH A FINISHED TRACK AND THEN MASTERED AT 'AIR' AND OF COURSE A CASE OF THE SPONSORS 'GAYMERS CIDER' WHICH SHE OPENED RIGHT THERE AND HANDED IT OUT TO THE CROWD!!!! WHAT MORE COULD YOU ASK FOR!! SOMEONE SO GOOD AND NOT UP THERE OWN ARSE.

Two acts caught my eyes and ears, first was a young guy from Leeds called 'acoustic Joe' ,he was a young chisel feature kinda of guy the one the girls would definately go for.he sang his own songs all to do with things and life in General,a sort of cross between Cat Stevens and micheal buble,,could have done with a bit more up tempo non depressing tunes but im sure as time goes by these songs will appear in his repitoir.look out for this guy worth a look as his vocals are smooth and clean.

The Second artist was a Miss Gemma Mewse,well what a character,whilst the sound engineer was setting up they had music playing through the P.A,She along with a few others were just having a ball dancing,and generally larking about but it was all done in good taste and looked altough is was all correographed,but wasnt !!! considering she was about to do a Live acoustic set in front of a packed house this young lady was sure cool,and when she started with her opening song 'Stranger Things' the vocals and confident was like a seasoned act. although only just 18 she was singing and performing like someone who's been doing it for forty years,They say that you can tell a good vocalist when stripped down to the basic's, just guitar and voice, and Miss Mewse certainley can hold a tune, her Ballad's were outstandingly well controlled from someone that young, and can't imagine how she is going to sound by the time she's 25.If you get a chance to see miss Mewse then you'll be in for a enjoyable time. 

7^th Suite, the whores, obsessive compulsive at the fleece 21/04/10

Right ding-dong, here we are then the fleece. The fleece for those who don’t know is quite a special venue in live music terms, it played host to the likes of Oasis, the killers to name a few and is pretty much the jewel in the live Bristol music scene’s crown.

Tonight me and few others are down here to witness the wonder of three bands. One of which is 7^th suite, they are a 4 piece punk outfit with talent, after being sent their tracks I was really keen to catch them live especially to see the singer and the bassist perform.

From the start you got a sense that these guys have been playing together for a while they had a very tight nit playing style, it was like each member knew they had a job and got on with it.

But this didn’t take away from the chemistry they had on stage. Throughout their set I was looking forward especially to a song called Piranha, the reason being the in your face bass riff that began the song. I haven’t seen anything like it for a while. It was a fast funky/goldfinger type ska fused with punk sounding riff that he not only played with his fingers but which consumed his whole body.

So with this bass combined with a tight sounding drummer and the singer who sounded like a young Alanis morrisette if she’d grown up in punk scene of Seattle in the early 1980’s spitting out these sinful lyric’s, it was a joy to the ears! And with saying that there was a distinct undertone of early nirvana in some songs which punched you in the face.

For anyone who hasn’t seen them I would recommend it and if you haven’t already looked them up they’re playing at the Portcullis on the 15^th may.

Since entering the joint I noticed that there was a chap dressed in what I can only describe as a German military hat with white dreadlocks, leather trousers and brasses with his face painted like someone out of the tribe (a short lived show on channel 5), a lot like one of the twins out the matrix if he was a gypsy anyway im digressing.

After clocking him I hoped he was performing, he was.

Introducing The Whores

Right where to start, well after seeing a plastic sheet being layed on the stage prior to them playing I knew we’d be in for a treat.So on entering the stage to the sound of church organs like something out of a funeral with two girls dressed like military Goth prostitutes waving black flags I guessed that this three piece weren’t going to play nice.

Before a note was played I already liked them, with the guitarist looking like how I explained before the drummer sat there with hip length hair and the face of a clown and the female lead singer looking like something out of Mad Max.I was just preying that their sound mirrored their image.

Not only did this band know how to look but they could bring down the place with the noise they produced, It was a mix of psychotic riffs, metal drumming and vocals that were reminiscent of a metal asylum, but what I loved about it was the fact you believed they where as my friend put it “near-furture, post apocalyptic sci-fi cyber Goths” and not just a band who know how to play and put on a good show, kind of harking back to the same way people used to think David Bowie was from space.

Amongst all the theatrics of girls juggling fire (which caused the fire alarm to go and the power to cut out, but made way for a Bonham style metal drum fill for 5 mins) and the simulated sex acts on stage, you couldn’t take away from the fact they could make music that drawled you in.

One to defiantly check out.

The headliners, who go by the name of Obsessive Compulsive.

Who are a four piece from Manchester who would vaguely be described as a grunge punk rock band with a captivating lead singer.

What was good to see straight away from them was that they all seemed to be individuals who’ve come together to smash one into anyone who hears what they got to say.With that being said there music was no different, it was a type of fast punk rock but had some kind of other dimension to it hence why you would vaguely describe it as that , it was heavy enough to mosh too but clear enough to know they were all talented. With the singers voice being harsh but at the same time mesmerizing and the drummer being like a robot that someone’s programmed to be f**king amazing it was clear why they would headline tonight.

With the guitarist and bassist both sides holding the drummer and singer in from exploding it seemed, the four played tight and loose, throughout the whole set it didn’t seem like they missed a beat and with that loud punk feminist attitude of the lead singer they really didn’t disappoint.

So if you like loud, fast, original, punk induced tunes from a band who defiantly need to be heard about and seen you should check them out.

Come the end of the night then i feel the fleece and maybe Bristol has defiantly had it’s punk/goth/rock fill for the week, it was a awesome display of angst and attitude and a definite night for the drummers along with fire, dildo mask’s and pasteurized milk!

www.myspace.com/7thsuite

www.myspace.com/obsessivecompulsive

www.myspace.com/thewhoresuk 

So here we are a mild sunny Wednesday night half way down the bath road in Bristol in a lovely little venue called the Thunderbolt, we’re here for the 1^st stage of the Surface Unsigned Act festival 2010 southwest heats.

After hearing this event was happening I was keen to get there early, not that I was over keen don’t get me wrong it was just an excuse to leave work early.But as it happens when we got there the door was locked.

 Once in though I was pleasantly surprised what a little gem of a venue it was, there was a nice little stage one end and a nice little bar directly opposite (Max 4 persons!).

Being the first in we witnessed the wide eyed and unexpected acts arriving in the drones of equipment and family members and after about half hour the 1^st of the 6 acts started to set up. It was an 18 year old by the name of Chloe Cooke who is a welsh singer/songwriter of great talent.

On 1^st impressions though I thought avril lavigne with Chloe being stood there with a white Stratocaster low down over her shoulder, but 4 bars into her 1^st song I immediately changed my mind and continued to do so as she performed.

She seemed to be singing from the heart with this zest of an American adolescent singing about an old boyfriend but doing it with her own sound and style.

I think personally she was great for the opening slot and with only a handful of people there she brought in the crowd with her engaging lyrics.

Next up couldn’t be more different 5 local lads called batsaboutbats, looking at them I could sense what sound to expect but what I didn’t expect was the attitude and performance they where about to show.

Like I thought and hoped, they sounded like a post hardcore punk band with this teenage belief of what they where doing, with each member not looking like the other this added to there appeal and the fact these 17-18 year olds knew there way around a instrument to meant it was a real sight to behold. But I must take my hat to the lead singer Paul collier who at 1^st sight doesn’t look like he sounded but he knew how to entertain, jumping into the crowd of all ten people and screaming out vocal chords which intern got our crowds energy levels up.

After the come down of batsaboutbats next up it was the Night at the Circus, a 4 piece act for Bristol who where the first older act to perform that night. They or shall I say there singer gave out a feeling of warmth form the start which brought the crowd even closer to the stage. With a good combo of drums and guitar and singer sounding reminiscent of Shirley Manson they produced the direct noise, which was quite enjoyable to hear.

Once the applause died and the compare finished dishing out the numbers we needed to vote three very bubbly looking girls two of which had acoustic guitars hopped on stage, these where the Sound of Cirens.

A three-piece folk/rock act from Exeter, After the mics where set so the tallest was stood in the middle, so it looked like how a child would draw a roof on a house which worked tremendously well form a spectacle point of view they began to play.

Off the bat you got a that k t tunstal sound but somewhat heavier and less generic and with the shortest of the three stamping her feet like sea sick sea on acid it came apparently clear that these girls knew how to but on a show, which if im being truthful helped with some songs.

Even though some songs deluded me overall they were just how I hoped given the different styles of acts before them, they had that “sisters doing if for themselves” kind of vibe which was really good to see.

By this time the place was full with punters like me and my two mates Pete and Adam, members of the bands, there familys, o yeah and a old guy dress in a black suit wearing raybans like something out of the blues brothers! All of which now waited for the next act to blow ours little minds and it couldn’t of come from a better next band, The Alien Stash Tin.

These four guys seemed to be veterans of the local gigging scene and unlike the other acts they came out from behind the stage, which was probably the best way they could of entered.

The lead singer and guitarist who how can I say this politely was a larger man with a Gandalf type white beard who was wearing an all white gown and a headband.

He had appeared and everyone who hadn’t of noticed him in the crowd when he was wearing combats now stood in owe, this dude had presence and I was hoping due to the headband I would be in for maybe some 60s 70s influence sounding stuff. And it’s exactly what I got!

With the second guitarist holding a flying V and the drummer looking like he’d come back from a rodeo these guy’s played catchy riff driven tunes, but what summed it up for me was the way they got the audience involved.A room fall of 50 people shouting “f**k you f**k you!” back and forth is always a highlight in my eyes.

It was just a shame they weren’t last on the bill.

Unfortuanly the last on the bill I don’t want to talk about

So now then the results, after each act the audience where given a number to txt if they wanted an act to go through (X Factor style) and after the last act there was a 20 min intermission where they added up the scores.

And at Precisely at 10:48 the compare jumps on stage and reveals a very deserved winner, The Chloe Cooke Band!

Overall it was a good thought out bill in competition terms and every act held there own and entertained, but I feel the fact that the 18 year old can sing, play and ultimately connect with the audience was the factors in why she was a deserved winner, but you defiantly cant take anything away from the other acts.

We arrived to an array of small acts, who were all great, all presented their own merits - unfortunately most of these acts were unknown to us and I still had been unable to catch some of their names to mention.  There was alot of variation with styles, some reminiscent of 80s punk - aka Sex Pistols, and others presented some very unique moments which has not gone unforgotten.

Like last time, we had gone along to support our friends, Kenelis, who put on a very good show for all with their brand new drummer who has only been playing with them for the last few weeks.  Before they came on though, we managed to catch the last few songs by Gemma Mewse, who had a great sound - the true london accent shined through the vocal line, on some great pop & heavy rock sounds.  She really knew how to keep the crowds active and sent out a really good vibe all round, and hope to see more of her gigs in the near future!

Kenelis' first gig with their new drummer now came on keeping their punch alive.  The old drummer, Sam, had suffered a bad hand injury and has been forced out of drumming, so he helped Kenelis stay alive by mentoring the new drummer, Ollie, who had done spectacularly well from just a small amount band rehearsals.  They played a bunch of ther classics aswell as some new songs, including 'Sick', and they have changed their sound slightly... still in keeping with the heavy feel to the set, they have brought in some more meaningful melodies and taken some of the 'padding' away which has done really well for the music as everyone managed to come across much better.  There were a couple of sound issues, which is to be expected at most gigs - but yet the screamer in the crowd came across nicely!!!  Overall, one of the best sets we have seen, but after more practise with Ollie and geting more settled down, their career should pick up nicely... and we look forward to when they record their new album!

Eventually, Mark Chadwick came on stage to perform his acoustic act - and keeping that suspense going before getting into his songs, he stood on stage for 10 minutes talking to the crowds, and tuning up... as any good folk artist would!   He came across brilliantly with his 12 string and the bassist.  Together they pulled out a great groove and all the crowd was delighted.